Monday, March 9, 2009

Ambien and the wanking response

Greg - comedian or balding meth addict?

Tonight's guest is Greg Fitzsimmons, a frequent contributor to Best Week Ever on VH1 and the host of a show on Stern's satellite station. Adam contrasts Greg's behavior with that of Charlie Murphy. Greg will put out, because he knows Adam and he's friends with Adam. Meanwhile, Charlie Murphy will NEVER dance for Adam, because he doesn't watch any of Adam's shows and doesn't know anybody who does. On the podcasts, Greg and Adam have noticed that some people will open up, because they think they're just BS'ing with friends as opposed to on a program that people will care about what they say.

And jeebus, I was joking about Greg with the photo cutline above, but he's poppin' some various pills like candy! He sounded like David Alan Grier calling out for his black children. Greg said he started drinking at 12 and really got into it heavily until 25. He stopped drinking at that point, but he was shaking and having problems focusing then, so he was prescribed anti-anxiety medicine and Adderrall.

Adam has tried Ambien before, but he compares the experience to a snow globe. He'll go on eating binges and not have any memory of it afterward, a la Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Greg says that sometimes, he'll take an Ambien and that settle in and find something on Skinemax to watch. Then his wife will come into bed a few hours later, with him fast asleep, his pants around his ankles and tissues in his hand. Adam compares his masturbating to a serial killer, in that he has to consciously mellow out, otherwise he'll lose control and go on a spree.

Other topics: Societal standards, Donnie / The Weaz jacking off and not clearing the browser window for Adam to find, why Adam watches TMZ and unruly staffers.

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Sunday, March 8, 2009

Hot mics, hot mics!

Leo Laporte looks a bit like a gay Italian mobster.

The show starts with Ace and tonight's guest, Leo Laporte, discussing podcast numbers. Then Donnie (The Weaz) gets on the mic to ask Leo some questions. Leo agrees with Donnie's wife that he looks like "a young, attractive Ron Jeremy", which is like saying that someone's shit doesn't smell too bad. (My favorite Ron Jeremy movie name - 13 Cum-Hungry Cocksuckers 7. If you're counting at home, that's 91 cum hungry cocksuckers!) Adam says that Donnie is more of a Peter North. (Best Peter North film title - 2's Cumpany 3's An Orgy.)

Adam asks how you can make money on podcasting, and Leo points out that the podcast allows for 1) no program director interference 2) no advertising interference and 3) a target audience for interested advertisers. Leo says the key is an "engaged" audience, to use an advertising buzzword. These podcasts are really into the content involved. Leo says he tries for a seemless transition from content to advertising, a la Paul Harvey. Adam wants to know why skywriting isn't a big deal; I'll take this opportunity to note that the beaches I used to work at in Rhode Island still have it.

Adam and Leo discuss plugging material on talk shows. Adam says there isn't much of a boost from plugging it on The Tonight Show with Leno, but whenever he popped on the Bill Simmons podcast, he saw a jump in sales of The Hammer. (p.s. Now available at Amazon!)

[Left] Uh oh, some nickels just dropped! Here comes Dr. Drew!

Leo asks Adam whether there is any bad blood between him and Dr. Drew. Adam explains that toward the end, Westwood Two (Adam's name for it) offered Drew three times as much money as Adam, even though Adam did the majority of the talking. Adam asked Drew to hold out for more money for Adam, and Drew signed the contract anyway. Drew then took more speaking engagements and days off, and Adam would get a substitute doctor, but if Adam tried to take a day off, they'd run a Best Of.

The tipping point was when Linkin Park came in and asked Adam to donate $4,000 for Katrina relief; he did so. The next night, two Loveline fans donated $15,000 each to Katrina to sit in with Adam and Drew. Adam finally told Drew he better pony up, and kept bugging him about it, and he never did. One of the guys was a Harvard professor who named an asteroid after them, and he and Adam put Drew on the spot, and he still refused to donate any money. Drew said he wasn't sure where the money was going, implying that Adam and the Harvard dude were rubes for even donating. That was the last straw that pissed off Adam, and he left, and the show's ratings have sucked since then.

Postscript: The second guy came in the next week, and Drew said the same god damn thing! Holy hell!

About 38 minutes in, the interview with Leo really starts to have some audio issues, which is unfortunate. Adam and Leo wrap-up by talking about the new interactivity the web and podcasting and message boards provide.

Adam says that Ben Stein was supposed to come in, but he had to cancel. So instead, he's going to answer some questions from the message board and the web site! Woohoo!

Q1: How did Adam get involved in amateur boxing? Adam says he played football a ton in his youth (damn, he was good), and he wanted to keep up with something physical and what not. He thought it was odd that in California, every strip mall in the valley had a place to learn kickboxing, but no boxing gyms. He had to drive downtown to the Hope Street Gym to learn the sweet science. It cost $9 a day. He fought one Golden Gloves fight, and got his ass kicked.

Q2: What does Adam think of motorcycles? Adam thinks that motorcycle guys have become assholes, and ironically, it's because they've shifted away from the coke-addled Hell's Angels types. Now, it's all lawyers and doctors trying to act tough. Adam is pissed that more tickets aren't written for motorcycles that have no baffles in them to deaden the noise.

Q3: How did Adam gain his psychological understanding? Loveline, his grandmom (a sex therapist), his dad (therapist)? Adam says he's mostly picked it up from just conversing with people. This entire planet is filled with human beings, yet Adam says most people spend more time trying to figure out how to speak with their dogs. He has always been interested in figuring out how to get people to do one thing or another.

Other topics: The lack of quality in podcasting and TV, the double standard of fuck, the negative cycle of fast food and TV news and Adam's past. Tomorrow's guest - Jamie Kennedy!

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Friday, March 6, 2009

TGIF M'Fers!

Since my trusty and much more eloquent sidekick is a bit preoccupied for the time being, I thought I'd post a few snippets I came across whilst surfing the interwebs.

- One of my favorite sites, YesButNoButYes, gives Adam's podcast a thumbs-up and a nice plug here. It's also a cool place to check out if you too have a healthy obsession with bacon.

- More love for Adam and the new podcast all the way from Ohio.

- I haven't had a chance to listen yet, but Adam made an appearance on Dave Dameshek's podcast yesterday. Good times!

- And last but not least, Joel Stein from the L.A. Times reports on how he learned from Adam that sometimes getting fired isn't such a bad thing, especially if you enjoy working AND bathrobes.

I also want to thank our readers for helping us get over 2,000 visits in a little over a week. I have no clue how that compares to most blogs that are thrown together (literally) overnight, but we'll take it!

Also, if you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, feel free to drop us a line at:

Later peeps!

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Sorry for the delay folks - real life has interrupted my posting to the blog. Work and what not. I should be caught up on the podcasts by tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for hanging in there!

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"Blah blah blah blah blah" news

Probably tried to go through a red left-hand turn arrow,
because we know that's the most dangerous driving maneuver in the world.

Combing and slumming around the web for links...

- Adam will be appearing at the L.A. Comedy Shorts Festival, according to a bunch of web sites, such as this one. Sounds like it could be fun! It starts tomorrow, and runs for a couple days; a full pass to all the events is $100. According to indie Wire, Carolla is the host of the event, and Bobcat Goldthwait will be presented with an award by Tom Kenny, a.k.a. the voice of SpongeBob.

- Since Dana Gould is a fan of random Hitler trivia, I found some for the blog today: he loved to read and owned more than 16,000 books. Sure, most of them were racist propaganda, but hey, we can't judge.

- Frequent Carolla guest Joel McHale killed at a recent performance in Minnesota. There is also a good picture gallery at that link.

- In some lab tests involving monkeys, it seems like a new vaginal gel could help prevent the spread of HIV. To be honest though, Adam would stop reading that sentence once he got to "vaginal gel."

- Somewhat late, but this dude gave a nice shout-out to Carolla in his post last week. Also nice to see a dozen or so comments on the entry.

- In the "so fucked up it HAS to be Florida" category, I give you the curious case of Donnie Hendrix. The story takes place in Miami, and the first paragraph says it all: Donnie was sick of waiting. Dolled-up like a Southern beauty queen, she wore Barbie-blond hair and a pink collagen pout as she sat in the parking lot of a Miramar condo. The five-foot-ten 32-year-old eyed the clock from the passenger seat of a rented green Chevy van just after 7 p.m. March 20, 2001. With her pert double-D breasts and slow, saccharine drawl, she could have passed for a South Florida trophy wife — if she hadn't been born with a penis.

- But hey, what would one of these posts be without some REAL stripper news? Click here for news about Kanye West and his new stripper girlfriend, who sounds so hideous I'm glad a photo isn't included. A former male stripper is charged with 23 offenses against 14 women from Oct. 2006 to February 2008; he allegedly lured the women into the back of his cab by claiming that he had just won the lottery, and then "celebrated" with them by using tainted champagne. (I'm just shocked that was in a London paper and not Florida.) Here is a detailed question and answer between a reporter and a longtime striptease expert. And hey, Britney Spears is on tour!

There should be a new podcast later tonight, although I'm not sure if we'll blog about it right away, or more delayed like today's Dana Gould post.

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Dana Gould! GOT to get it on! No choice but to!

Dana Gould, the master of Hitler trivia, being afraid of animals and sexual rumors.

Adam starts off the podcast controversially, by stating that after watching Robert De Niro on Jimmy Fallon's show, he wonders if De Niro is just dumb. He points out that plenty of athletes have an immense gift on the field, but that's where it all ends. Dana Gould, tonight's guest, points out that plenty of people are like that. For example, Hitler loved dogs! If you needed someone to watch your dogs for the weekend, then Hitler would have no problem taking care of Waffles.

Surprisingly, Adam has been to many museums, such as the Liberace museum and the bunny museum, which is also shockingly about the animal and not Playboy. Somehow, this segues into Dana pointing out that for some reason, if a chimpanzee is threatened, first it breaks your jaw, and then it destroys your genitals. Chimps are very afraid of being raped, apparently. Dana says chimps attack for the same reason that old people do - they're very cranky about being in a diaper. This violent chimp story was in the news lately.

Adam and Dana both confirm that animal trainers are often much, mucher scarier than the animals they're keeping track of. I'm reminded of the scene in Semi-Pro (NSFW), with the bear wrangler. A police dog was once attacking Adam for a Man Show skit, and Adam asked the trainer what kind of fail safes were in place. The trainer's response was that there was no off-switch on the killing machine.

For some reason, Adam and Dana both have stories about snakes. Dana was in Austin, Texas, and they had some rattlesnake wrestlers at a radio spot, and Dana hates snakes. Meanwhile, the trainers... If Dana had been doing a remake of Deliverance, he would have had to tell them, "Sorry, that's a little over the top."

Dana adds that Siegfried and Roy are back (actually, final show March 1), so ladies hide your daughters! Adam loves watching old news footage, and hearing about how Liberace and Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde were all eligible bachelors. Apparently, guy's sucking each others' cocks (Adam's words, roughly) wasn't around back then.

Dana wonders how nobody noticed that "Jailhouse Rock" was about prison sodomy. Adam points out that the end of "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones includes the lyrics "you make a dead man cum," whereas on Jimmy Kimmel Live he got bleeped for saying bejesus once. When he was a kid, Dana had to debate his friends about oral sex, why people got it, and Dana was insistent that that was how retarded children were made. Adam re-tells the story about his grandma asking at the dinner table about rim jobs.

This sparks a frank, open discussion about sexual practices. Adam knows there are no women who masturbate while thinking about men masturbating, while the opposite (men whacking it to thinking about women touching themselves) is enough for 99 percent of guys. (I just finished up typing that, actually.) With the Internet now (NSFW), Adam says there is less need to spread out 15 different porn magazines to wank to; Dana calls that the Amsterdam rainbow.

Other topics for discussion: How people who love animals don't have love left over for humans, Joel's foggy night at Liberace's house, Adam yelling at The Weaz six times to turn the mics up, Oprah and Molly and Lynette and snake bites, kerchief math, the invention of the rim job, unfortunate masturbation timing, the spread of sexual rumors (Rod Stewart having his stomach pumped of cum) before the Internet, the pregnant dude and O.J. Simpson. Last week's Dave Dameshek podcast got more than 500,000 downloads. Adam wants everyone to keep spreading the news, so that we can all create our own little pirate ship. Tomorrow's (today's?) guest should be Leo Laporte, but Ace didn't announce it.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Carolla Cruft - Eff you Colorado, Vermont and Delaware

We're the #1 blog devoted to The Adam Carolla Podcast!
p.s.b.s.s.g.s. - p.s. Bill Simmons says Go Sox!

First, peeling back the curtain a bit on this blog, I'd like to thank the 1,195 visitors we've had the past week. Truly, you've helped to make a blog spun-off a podcast created by a guy fired from his morning show job that he initially got by talking to kids about masturbation for so many years. We are 0.074% as popular as Adam's podcast.

But, I'm not thanking anyone from Colorado, Vermont or Delaware. We haven't had any visitors from those three states, so really, what's the deal? Not Carolla fans? You should be, Colorado - You're famous for the Kobe Bryant trial, and Adam sure does like rape. Delaware, you're understandable, since you have a god damn tollbooth setup at your state border. As for Vermont, well, maybe it's maple syrup season.

Anyway, to paraphrase Pulp Fiction, let's stop sucking each other's dicks here. On to the Carolla related news...

- Dana Gould is the guest tomorrow (or later tonight, depending on your time zone and downloading time), and he does have a new stand-up DVD coming out on March 24. An early, positive review can be found here. You can pre-order Let Me Put My Thoughts In You at Amazon here.

- And hey, Dana goes hand in hand with another celebrity: Huell Howser. Apparently, his segment on a disgusting-sounding drink (coffee and a jelly donut, literally) helped to increase its popularity. No idea if ladybugs or the Baghdad Cafe are similarly exploding in popularity.

- Last night, Kimmel had on the latest Bachelor dude, and grilled him severely for picking one girl, then changing his mind and choosing the other. The full story and a YouTube of the appearance is available off The Insider's site. (Yes, I feel dirty linking to it too.) It really is worth checking out though, especially Kimmel's response to Bachelor douchebag's assertion that he'll still be friends with the dame he dumped.

- In other late night news, Jimmy Fallon debuted tonight. Reviews in the blogosphere were somewhat mixed, with Carolla punching bags Entertainment Weekly saying he was too nervous, while The Chicago Tribune basically said he sucked. For what it's worth, I thought Fallon was okay, and much better than I thought he'd be. His first show was much, much better than Conan's, which is floating around on the Internet if you're torrent-savvy. There is a breakdown of Kimmel, Fallon and Craig Ferguson at TV Guide, and it seems like Ferguson is the heavy favorite, based on the early viewer polls.

- Because Adam has been focused on poop talk lately, I bring you this story. The most relevant sentence: Willis brought one day of his August 2006 trial to a notorious close when he smeared his own feces on a table and chair and threw some on the floor. Good times, good times.

- And finally, Carolla buddy Larry Miller opened up for his friend Jerry Seinfeld last week in Florida, and his 20-minute set was well-received.

As mentioned earlier, Dana Gould will be tonight's (tomorrow's?) guest on the podcast, so until then...

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WOOOOOO!!! Twinkie hole, baby!

How does DAG sound making love?
"Don't, you, look at me, I will, bust, your, behind... zzzzzz...."

Tonight's guest is... David. Alan. Grier! Adam's main man! And they're on firm, warm ground to start, talking about baby poo. David says he's uncomfortable cleaning his daughter's vagine (not named Estradial) of poop, and Adam agrees, since they've been worshiping that part of the anatomy for too many years. It's just weird and uncomfortable for them, like sex in the back of a Volkswagon.

This switches to a chat about DAG's childhood years, which Adam has never gotten into that much. DAG never realized that his father was miserable, but he realizes it now as he reviews pictures.

Weaze gets on the mic to stall for time while Adam goes to look for some pictures of his own mother, and although he tells him this, there are about 10 seconds of dead air... And Lynette (Adam's wife) gets on the mic! Her voice actually sounds much more normal than on The Adam Carolla Show and The Adam Carolla Project. She says Adam's dad had a huge afro in the pictures, and then Adam's agent, James "Babydoll" Dixon gets in the room, but doesn't get on the mic. Adam and DAG then talk about the picture for a bit, and as Adam would say to Dr. Drew all the time, it's great radio to be talking about a picture.

When Adam's parents got divorced, they didn't bother to make it official because there was nothing to split up. Adam's dad got into his 1963 Volkswagen bug, and went to crash at his ex-wife's house that they still lived in. DAG's dad... moved from Detroit to San Francisco, and wrote Black Rage, a national bestseller??? Holy hell! DAG said his dad would be on The Merv Griffin Show and banging chicks in orgies. Good lord...

DAG said his dad wore a dashiki around, and because he could rap about politics and The Man, he would get laid constantly. Adam imagines that about 98 percent of the guys in that era talked like that because it was the only way to get laid. DAG tried to join the Black Panthers when he was younger, but they told him to come back when he was a bit older. DAG's dad lives outside of San Diego now, and while they're OK, David says he grew up scared to death, in an intimidating way, of his father. Charles Dutton, the actor, spent time in the joint for manslaughter, and DAG said he was afraid of DAG's dad when they met.

So, DAG e-mailed Drew to get on Loveline at one point, after Adam had left, and tried three times to no avail. Drew said the program director wouldn't allow Davey G. on anymore, and DAG was a little prickly because Drew sort of strung him along about it instead of just telling him. Now, whenever he talks to Drew, DAG needles him about the whole incident. Adam calls BS and says that DAG is acting like a chick. DAG says okay, he'll make up with Dr. Drew.

DAG and Adam then talk about Dancing With the Stars; Adam was voted off last year, and DAG is a competitor this season. He said what constantly held him back was not talking, but trying to explain to Julianne Hough what a whirling dervish is. DAG is dancing with Kym Johnson (left) this season. Adam says that he had to explain to Hough he would only be practicing two to four hours a week because he wasn't trying to fuck her like her past partners. To close up the show, DAG says he doesn't mind practicing so much because it keeps him out of the house with the poopy vagina, bringing the show full circle.

Other topics for discussion - How DAG got started doing comedy, Adam's own crappy roots, how Drew loves ass humor, the a-hole math behind Adam being Adam, how the Kimmel guys screwed over DAG at a playoff Lakers game, and Dancing With The Stars. Tomorrow's guest is Dana Gould, and I do imagine that Huell Howser might be stopping by as well...

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Monday, March 2, 2009

The Internet is Changing the Game for Celebrities

Podcasting? That's so 2005, you might say. With online video, social networking and microblogging remaining social media's most-talked-about technologies, it's easy to forget about podcasting.

Sure, the overoptimistic projections about podcasting's future haven't panned out. But that doesn't mean that podcasting can't be a powerful tool in the arsenal of entertainers and media personalities who increasingly have the ability to make it on their own.

Proof of that comes in the form of American entertainer Adam Carolla, who launched his own podcast on February 24 after CBS radio cancelled his show. Thanks to his contract, Carolla is reportedly unable to go back on radio through the end of the year and CBS is paying him quite well until then.

read more | digg story

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That's important to me!

Larry Miller is tonight's guest, not to be confused with Mr. Belding.
One is happily married, while the other is still trying to bag coeds.

Adam starts by revealing that last week's downloads combined for 1.6 million downloads. Yay!

He then moves on to talk to tonight's guest, Larry Miller. He is not this guy, thankfully, who just died. He is this guy. You can purchase his book for $0.01 (plus shipping) on Larry is a pretty polarizing figure among Carolla fans, but really, he has at least one great routine - the five stages of drinking. Somewhere, Bald Bryan just instinctively reached for a button to press, and finding none, a small, single tear rolled down his cheek.

Adam and Larry talk mostly about their similar backgrounds, and the coddling of kids, to start the podcast. They both talk at length about Pop Warner football and Little League, which evokes George Carlin's famous routine in my mind.

About 25 minutes in, it sounds like Larry punches the mic, but he doesn't get admonished for it. He does it again a bit later.

... To be honest, I was kind of going in and out with this podcast, and it's definitely the weakest effort so far. It's not so much a discussion of funny, more of a meeting of the minds between two men who grew up in a certain era. If Adam is a philosopher-warrior, and the funny aspects arise from his combative, warrior-like nature, then this podcast is definitely heavy on the philosophy with Larry Miller. Topics discussed include the difference in societal values from the 1970s and now, how awesome car air conditioning is, and how grateful Adam is for all of his minions following him over to this podcasting thing.

Other guests this week - Dana Gould and Norm MacDonald, along with Leo on Wednesday. Woohoo!

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Sunday, March 1, 2009

More carefully crafted Carolla-esque cruft!

Minka says, "Adam is number one."

Combing the web for more Carolla-related news, until the podcast drops (hopefully) late tonight...

- According to himself, Leo Laporte will be a guest on the podcast this Wednesday with Adam. Leo is a technology guru, so it should be pretty interesting to hear him with Adam, who is always interested to hear about how gadgets work. Also, Leo is originally from Providence, R.I., according to Wiki. Woohoo! Go Rhody!

- Remember how upset Adam got about the octo-mom? Well don't worry! She has a $1 million dollar offer to do a porno from Vivid. Oh wait, it gets better, as their plan for the shoot would have her in eight scenes with eight different men. All class, all class. The only thing worse than a poor mom having eight kids is that poor mom suddenly getting a million bucks because she became a porn star. Good times! There is also info in that story about Kim Kardashian's fat ass not being photographed, literally, if you're into that.

- The bad news: Alcohol consumption can lead to an increased risk of cancer. Good news: Only for women! Woohoo, drink up Ace Man! That means more booze for you. The study was done by Oxford, which is kind of a well-known place over in England. A little better than junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior college.

- There is a quick blurb shout-out for Carolla at, of all places, here.

- Showing that no celebrity is too small or too far away from the A-List, Celebrity Baby Blog has an entry on... Teresa Strasser. They do include a few things I never knew, such as that she was considered for a spot on The View, and the real name of Batman, who is an accountant for IBM. I guess that's public knowledge now. Teresa blogged about The View opening here, saying that the producers also wanted someone likely to get preggerz. Like, seriously? Really?

- And finally, in news that will make Adam contemplate suicide, Medea Goes to Jail edged out Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience at the box office this weekend. Medea earned $16.5 million, while Jonas took home $12.7 million. Total gross of The Hammer - $443,591.

Anywho. A new podcast should be coming out sometime in the next 24 hours, if the Sunday to Thursday production schedule is still intact. Expect to see a post sometime soon after that. Lates!

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Adam Carolla’s Podcast: 1M Downloads… Radio, XM Officially Dead?

Last week, Adam Carolla transitioned from national radio talk show host. His contract with CBS prevents him from returning to radio (supposedly through 2009) - and in exchange, he is paid handsomely in the meantime. So Adam Carolla decided started a podcast - launching it last week. It had over 1,000,000 downloads… a staggering number.

read more | digg story

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

More linkety links

The lovely Meghan Daum, Carolla's #1 media fan.

Some more news from around the Internet, bizarre and not...

- Meghan Daum, a frequent Carolla supporter and Los Angeles Times columnist, writes an ode to KLSX in her Saturday column. Daum was the host of an interview appearance in L.A. with Carolla at one point, and had generally written plenty of positive pieces about his show. In this article, she says all of the shows had some redeeming qualities, but heaps the most positive praise on Carolla. If you want to give her a shout-out, her e-mail is here. On the Times letters page, Susan Harris of Glendale and Allen Katz of Fountain Valley are both upset that KLSX has flipped formats.

- Deadspin is speculating that Bill Simmons might get some shit from Disney and ESPN for, well, saying shit so many times the other night. They also say they might not be so keen on greenlighting Harvey Milk High School; I guess it won't be a Miramax or Pixar production. Oddly, no complaints about the Real Sex segment. I think everyone is in agreement about that.

- Speaking of a Bill Simmons comment, about how it's hard to visit strip clubs because he has a young daughter now... That's not a problem for 36-year-old Steve Russo of Bethlehem Township, Pa. Russo was charged with endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors and other offenses after photos of a 16-year-old cheerleader dancing on a pole and kissing him on the cheek at a party surfaced on Facebook. (Warning: No pictures in that link, you perverts.)

According to police, the party was hosted at Russo's home in early December after a varsity boys basketball game, and alcohol was heavily involved. Russo has a 17-year-old child, but the report does not specify if his child was involved at all. One commenter brings up a good point: How much pole dancing must be going on if you have one installed in your basement? Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

- In other stripper news, 24-year-old stripper Amanda Michelle Dittman was arrested and charged with strong arm robbery and unlawful sexual activity with a minor after shaking down a 16-year-old who she had been having sex with the past week. According to police reports, she patted down the boy to make sure he wasn't wearing a wire, which was surely an ordeal for the boy. Somewhat comically, Dittman's dancing name is Ms. Giglez. I'll give you two guesses as to where this took place, and hint number one is that it's not Germany. Her picture is to the left, and she looks like she has jaundice of the mouth.

- Adam often jokes about "Germany or Florida?", but he might as well change the name to "Florida or Florida?". The state has enough bizarre crime by itself. Some other Florida stories: Three stabbed in fight over beer, Human body is art at nude night in Ybor, a guy Accusing Stephen King (the author) of killing John Lennon, and huge mice infestation in a Florida court that is causing them to fall from the ceiling tiles.

- And finally, Joel McHale will stay on as host of Talk Soup while working on his NBC comedy pilot, Community, according to this post. Woohoo!

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Crazy Carolla crew content!

The scourge of Adam Carolla.

Looking around the web for Carolla-related content and rants...

- Adam should try to avoid Scottsdale, Ari. for the time being. They don't like his kind on their streets. Chicken-S and all that.

- The headline of this story is good enough to link to it: Mayor who killed dogs gets standing ovation. Unfortunately, the story itself is a little less scandalous.

- T.O. Whenham (that can't possibly be his real name, right?) handicaps this season's Dancing with the Stars right here. He puts DAG at +1000, but in his "Live Longshots" category, because he is a classically-trained Broadway performer. Unsurprisingly, the Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson is the favorite, at +150. DAG ranks ninth out of the 11 person field.

- This New York Times article is mostly about Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show, but he does give a shout-out to Kimmel in the middle. A fairly good read overall, though.

- And on the lighter side of things, to close up, the headline says it all for this story as well: Man makes chainsaw noise with an air hose and his buttcrack. I figured it was appropriate, given all the ass, carbuncle and hemmeroid talk on the podcast this week.

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The Tom Brady Love Hour

Dear Ace Man, Tom Brady, is the best, quarterback, in the NFL...

If you can't tell from the title of tonight's entry, Bill Simmons of is the podcast guest tonight. They jump right into things by comparing the size of their podcast wangs - Adam has already surpassed one million total downloads, woohoo! He gives a shout-out to all of his loyal minions.

They jump in immediately with talk of YouPorn, and then Ferris Bueller. Bill and Adam rightly bring up that Ferris, the most popular kid in school, wouldn't really hang out with Cameron, the depressed loser. He would be busy banging his hot girlfriend. Then, they pitch the greatest made-up independent movie ever, Harvey Milk Junior High, starring Shia LaBeouf, who pretends to be gay to attend an all-gay school. I would say more, but I don't want to spoil all the surprises.

Adam also says Fast Break is definitely in the Top 10 of Gabe Kaplan movies. The other nine are probably all clip show DVDs of Battle of the Network Stars.

Adam is going to a buffet tomorrow with a card system - If the card is on one side, they keep bringing the beef. Bill says this commonly wrecks Cousin Sal, as he has too much pride to ever turn the card over. Adam says they really need to extend this system to strippers, and re-tells the tale about how David Alan Grier once got a stripper who had been stabbed 18 times by her ex-husband. Bill says when he's done, he normally tries to encircle himself with chairs - a chair armada or offensive line preventing entry to his junk.

Podcast re-enactment: (Bill) I'm surprised they don't show more of the bathroom parts on Survivor. (Adam) I don't watch Survivor. (Bill, surprised) Really? I thought you loved Survivor! (Adam) Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about Lost.

Donnie talks about editing on Big Brother, but because he isn't mic'ed properly, we can't hear it. Adam and Bill laugh uproariously about it ;_; Adam and Bill think some guy will make a million dollars by releasing a tape of all the hot broads on Survivor being all naked.

Other topics for discussion: Bathroom etiquette, ass-talk, the YouPorn sweet spot, the worst bathroom scenes, how to guarantee an Oscar win, Survivor bathroom talk and how satellite radio will be killed by podcasts. Adam says he's still trying to get Norm MacDonald in for a podcast, especially to hear more about Norm's classic story - he had sex with one of his best friend's wife, while his friend was mowing the lawn, and it was anal sex. Holy hell! Bill puts in a request for Jim Norton, and Adam says that Kimmel, Dana Gould and Joel McHale are all on the future guest list.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Holy hell! Ace and Dameshek! (And no Simmons!)

My oh my, look at this handsome devil. Wait - Ladies, don't look too closely. He's taken.

The podcast with Dave Dameshek starts off swimmingly, as he and Adam immediately plunge into his issues with Teresa Strasser. Dave said he's amazed T is pregnant, because he didn't think that could happen after menopause. Dave offers magnanimously to have a "clearing of the air" broadcast someday with T. His magnificent pipes are still in working order, despite a minor cold.

Adam and Dave talk about how they originally ran into problems with Jack Silver about ratings, and the whole history behind his firing. Dave was replaced by Bonaduce, who Adam points out has a "near encyclopedic knowledge of sports." Practically the same guy!

Dave brings up that the station was marketing itself as "the man station" yet had no sports guy. Adam says this reminds him of one of the few poignant things Drew said, namely, about Pam Anderson being a female-female impersonator. He likens that type of woman to the super macho male-male impersonator, such as Bonaduce. Dave mentions that he found certain parts of Eastern Promises very inappropriate because of this.

And holy hell, Tom Cruise came over to Kimmel's for football??? Really? Wow. Of course, Ace says it was at 3:47 in the afternoon, so he's obviously a big fan. Both agree that all of the A-list male celebrities - Cruise, Johnny Depp, George Clooney - are unfortunately beautiful bastards. To make it worse, guys like Depp grow their hair long and smear feces all over their face, and women still want them. Meanwhile, Ace points out that if a woman did that, a man would no longer be interested. Both are utterly revolted by HBO's Real Sex program.

Near the end of the podcast, Dave re-tells one of his great stories - Attending a Lamaze class with his beautiful wife Cindy and finding out his ex-girlfriend was in the very same class. Good times, good times. Ace is pissed that the seemingly simple "colored hat" system of child identification has also S'ed the bed. Dave and Adam set the podcast's early length record with more than 55 minutes of the funny.

Other topics for discussion - how certain things are gay, how some female celebrities are much foxier in person, male body hair, horrible Nicholas Cage movies, female trucker attractiveness > female sex expert, and Adam Carolla's Junk v. HBO's Real Sex. Adam doesn't state who's next on the podcast, but future guests will include Bill Simmons, Larry Miller and Norm MacDonald. So, to close this post, the greatest appearance on a talk show ever-ever was by Norm here, here and here.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Back from a four-day vacation!

Not this Trio.

Listen, I don't know if you guys have heard, but Teresa Strasser is pregnant. As a result, she's down from 15 Klonnies a day to just a few cigarettes. (The preceding sentence is accurate.)

And listen, if you thought Teresa was a peach on The Adam Carolla Show, just realize she brought a friend with her to podcast. Not Bald Bryan, although he was there. T brought her hemorrhoid!

But listen, Adam is a professional, and he rolls with the punches. He used to be a boxer, you see, and he has used this experience to his advantage in the past. Once upon a time, he had a carbuncle on his ass, which his buddy Ray convinced him was a hemorrhoid. He spread so much Preperation H on it, it could have helped Dr. Drew's daughter.

Hey listen, Adam says it best - You can't unscrew your anus and put it on the work bench and hammer the problems out of it. It was a very serious and frank discussion, and it lasted about the first 20 minutes.

Okay, listen. The rest of the podcast is about the past program once known as The Adam Carolla Show, Teresa being able to smoke a few cigs even though she's preggers, the staff party taking place at Adam's house, how horrible Jack Silver's "best of" reel was, and the freedom that podcasting provides.

LISTEN! Tomorrow's guests - Dave Dameshek and Bill Simmons. AHHH DIAMOND EARRINGS!!!

p.s. Go Sox!

p.p.s. Go Pats! Boston School of Medicine, best school of medicine in the country!

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

It's Dr. Drew - Get your bitch spunk drunk!

You like him, you really like him!
Given Adam's horrible childhood, it's still hard for him to believe.

With Dr. Drew in the hiz-zay, there is vintage Loveline-esque electricity in the air. If this was Made Up Movies, then it would be the part where the two lovers awkwardly banter a bit, before passionately embracing and sexing each other up. Thankfully, the mics weren't hot when the sexing took place.

Within two minutes, Adam and Drew have already touched upon how horrible a liar Danny Bonaduce is, two words for Adam's dad (hint: they're not "tuck fu" but rhyme with them) and how horrible Lynette is at following simple directions. This last topic consumes the first significant segment of the podcast, since, well, there is a lot of ground to cover here, especially as it concerns a precious Adam subject - napping.

Adam's hyper-vigilance consumes another 15 minutes of the podcast, and later talk involves his take on the Mexicans, and the Weaz (Wheeze?) even gets on the blower for a bit. Meanwhile, tomorrow, the gang is back in town, as Teresa and Bald Bryan are scheduled to be on the podcast.

Until then, as the Crank Yankers caller says to Drew, "Stay fresh!"

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Mahalo! Is Adam Crackeola there?

So, you might have heard that the Ace Man's morning show was canceled. Fear not though - he is filling the void (good name for T's V) with his own podcast. And this is the blog that will attempt to archive and summarize that glorious creation. To borrow the words of a great man from Pittsburgh, Pee-A, LET IT BEGIN!

Ironically, there is almost no chance that Adam has read this.

Ace starts out by explaining some of the problems he had with Jack Silver. Apparently, Jack never really listened to Loveline, in which he might have noticed that Adam constantly made fun of stupid "lightning round" jocks that gave the weather, news and traffic constantly. Jack also hated Dana Gould, and Dameshek's "Mr. Sheldrake" voice, and basically anything else you might have enjoyed that Adam ever did. Oh, but he loved Danny Bonaduce and his knack for embellishing. And Jack Silver never gave a shit about anything but performance in L.A. Outside of that though, he and Adam never had problems with one another.

What CAN Adam complain about? All the photographers from TMZ at the airport. How the hell do they get clearance to be there? If you have to take off your shoes to get on the friggin' plane, then why are all these A-holes allowed to stand in the airport when they have no legitimate reason for being there?

Other topics touched on this podcast - the latest potential Eddie Murphy project, why The Adam Carolla Show failed, more on Jack Silver and Loveline executvies, and much much more fun! Tomorrow, Dr. Drew in the hiz-zay!

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