Friday, March 6, 2009

TGIF M'Fers!

Since my trusty and much more eloquent sidekick is a bit preoccupied for the time being, I thought I'd post a few snippets I came across whilst surfing the interwebs.

- One of my favorite sites, YesButNoButYes, gives Adam's podcast a thumbs-up and a nice plug here. It's also a cool place to check out if you too have a healthy obsession with bacon.

- More love for Adam and the new podcast all the way from Ohio.

- I haven't had a chance to listen yet, but Adam made an appearance on Dave Dameshek's podcast yesterday. Good times!

- And last but not least, Joel Stein from the L.A. Times reports on how he learned from Adam that sometimes getting fired isn't such a bad thing, especially if you enjoy working AND bathrobes.

I also want to thank our readers for helping us get over 2,000 visits in a little over a week. I have no clue how that compares to most blogs that are thrown together (literally) overnight, but we'll take it!

Also, if you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, feel free to drop us a line at:

Later peeps!

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Sorry for the delay folks - real life has interrupted my posting to the blog. Work and what not. I should be caught up on the podcasts by tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for hanging in there!

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

"Blah blah blah blah blah" news

Probably tried to go through a red left-hand turn arrow,
because we know that's the most dangerous driving maneuver in the world.

Combing and slumming around the web for links...

- Adam will be appearing at the L.A. Comedy Shorts Festival, according to a bunch of web sites, such as this one. Sounds like it could be fun! It starts tomorrow, and runs for a couple days; a full pass to all the events is $100. According to indie Wire, Carolla is the host of the event, and Bobcat Goldthwait will be presented with an award by Tom Kenny, a.k.a. the voice of SpongeBob.

- Since Dana Gould is a fan of random Hitler trivia, I found some for the blog today: he loved to read and owned more than 16,000 books. Sure, most of them were racist propaganda, but hey, we can't judge.

- Frequent Carolla guest Joel McHale killed at a recent performance in Minnesota. There is also a good picture gallery at that link.

- In some lab tests involving monkeys, it seems like a new vaginal gel could help prevent the spread of HIV. To be honest though, Adam would stop reading that sentence once he got to "vaginal gel."

- Somewhat late, but this dude gave a nice shout-out to Carolla in his post last week. Also nice to see a dozen or so comments on the entry.

- In the "so fucked up it HAS to be Florida" category, I give you the curious case of Donnie Hendrix. The story takes place in Miami, and the first paragraph says it all: Donnie was sick of waiting. Dolled-up like a Southern beauty queen, she wore Barbie-blond hair and a pink collagen pout as she sat in the parking lot of a Miramar condo. The five-foot-ten 32-year-old eyed the clock from the passenger seat of a rented green Chevy van just after 7 p.m. March 20, 2001. With her pert double-D breasts and slow, saccharine drawl, she could have passed for a South Florida trophy wife — if she hadn't been born with a penis.

- But hey, what would one of these posts be without some REAL stripper news? Click here for news about Kanye West and his new stripper girlfriend, who sounds so hideous I'm glad a photo isn't included. A former male stripper is charged with 23 offenses against 14 women from Oct. 2006 to February 2008; he allegedly lured the women into the back of his cab by claiming that he had just won the lottery, and then "celebrated" with them by using tainted champagne. (I'm just shocked that was in a London paper and not Florida.) Here is a detailed question and answer between a reporter and a longtime striptease expert. And hey, Britney Spears is on tour!

There should be a new podcast later tonight, although I'm not sure if we'll blog about it right away, or more delayed like today's Dana Gould post.

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Dana Gould! GOT to get it on! No choice but to!

Dana Gould, the master of Hitler trivia, being afraid of animals and sexual rumors.

Adam starts off the podcast controversially, by stating that after watching Robert De Niro on Jimmy Fallon's show, he wonders if De Niro is just dumb. He points out that plenty of athletes have an immense gift on the field, but that's where it all ends. Dana Gould, tonight's guest, points out that plenty of people are like that. For example, Hitler loved dogs! If you needed someone to watch your dogs for the weekend, then Hitler would have no problem taking care of Waffles.

Surprisingly, Adam has been to many museums, such as the Liberace museum and the bunny museum, which is also shockingly about the animal and not Playboy. Somehow, this segues into Dana pointing out that for some reason, if a chimpanzee is threatened, first it breaks your jaw, and then it destroys your genitals. Chimps are very afraid of being raped, apparently. Dana says chimps attack for the same reason that old people do - they're very cranky about being in a diaper. This violent chimp story was in the news lately.

Adam and Dana both confirm that animal trainers are often much, mucher scarier than the animals they're keeping track of. I'm reminded of the scene in Semi-Pro (NSFW), with the bear wrangler. A police dog was once attacking Adam for a Man Show skit, and Adam asked the trainer what kind of fail safes were in place. The trainer's response was that there was no off-switch on the killing machine.

For some reason, Adam and Dana both have stories about snakes. Dana was in Austin, Texas, and they had some rattlesnake wrestlers at a radio spot, and Dana hates snakes. Meanwhile, the trainers... If Dana had been doing a remake of Deliverance, he would have had to tell them, "Sorry, that's a little over the top."

Dana adds that Siegfried and Roy are back (actually, final show March 1), so ladies hide your daughters! Adam loves watching old news footage, and hearing about how Liberace and Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde were all eligible bachelors. Apparently, guy's sucking each others' cocks (Adam's words, roughly) wasn't around back then.

Dana wonders how nobody noticed that "Jailhouse Rock" was about prison sodomy. Adam points out that the end of "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones includes the lyrics "you make a dead man cum," whereas on Jimmy Kimmel Live he got bleeped for saying bejesus once. When he was a kid, Dana had to debate his friends about oral sex, why people got it, and Dana was insistent that that was how retarded children were made. Adam re-tells the story about his grandma asking at the dinner table about rim jobs.

This sparks a frank, open discussion about sexual practices. Adam knows there are no women who masturbate while thinking about men masturbating, while the opposite (men whacking it to thinking about women touching themselves) is enough for 99 percent of guys. (I just finished up typing that, actually.) With the Internet now (NSFW), Adam says there is less need to spread out 15 different porn magazines to wank to; Dana calls that the Amsterdam rainbow.

Other topics for discussion: How people who love animals don't have love left over for humans, Joel's foggy night at Liberace's house, Adam yelling at The Weaz six times to turn the mics up, Oprah and Molly and Lynette and snake bites, kerchief math, the invention of the rim job, unfortunate masturbation timing, the spread of sexual rumors (Rod Stewart having his stomach pumped of cum) before the Internet, the pregnant dude and O.J. Simpson. Last week's Dave Dameshek podcast got more than 500,000 downloads. Adam wants everyone to keep spreading the news, so that we can all create our own little pirate ship. Tomorrow's (today's?) guest should be Leo Laporte, but Ace didn't announce it.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Carolla Cruft - Eff you Colorado, Vermont and Delaware

We're the #1 blog devoted to The Adam Carolla Podcast!
p.s.b.s.s.g.s. - p.s. Bill Simmons says Go Sox!

First, peeling back the curtain a bit on this blog, I'd like to thank the 1,195 visitors we've had the past week. Truly, you've helped to make a blog spun-off a podcast created by a guy fired from his morning show job that he initially got by talking to kids about masturbation for so many years. We are 0.074% as popular as Adam's podcast.

But, I'm not thanking anyone from Colorado, Vermont or Delaware. We haven't had any visitors from those three states, so really, what's the deal? Not Carolla fans? You should be, Colorado - You're famous for the Kobe Bryant trial, and Adam sure does like rape. Delaware, you're understandable, since you have a god damn tollbooth setup at your state border. As for Vermont, well, maybe it's maple syrup season.

Anyway, to paraphrase Pulp Fiction, let's stop sucking each other's dicks here. On to the Carolla related news...

- Dana Gould is the guest tomorrow (or later tonight, depending on your time zone and downloading time), and he does have a new stand-up DVD coming out on March 24. An early, positive review can be found here. You can pre-order Let Me Put My Thoughts In You at Amazon here.

- And hey, Dana goes hand in hand with another celebrity: Huell Howser. Apparently, his segment on a disgusting-sounding drink (coffee and a jelly donut, literally) helped to increase its popularity. No idea if ladybugs or the Baghdad Cafe are similarly exploding in popularity.

- Last night, Kimmel had on the latest Bachelor dude, and grilled him severely for picking one girl, then changing his mind and choosing the other. The full story and a YouTube of the appearance is available off The Insider's site. (Yes, I feel dirty linking to it too.) It really is worth checking out though, especially Kimmel's response to Bachelor douchebag's assertion that he'll still be friends with the dame he dumped.

- In other late night news, Jimmy Fallon debuted tonight. Reviews in the blogosphere were somewhat mixed, with Carolla punching bags Entertainment Weekly saying he was too nervous, while The Chicago Tribune basically said he sucked. For what it's worth, I thought Fallon was okay, and much better than I thought he'd be. His first show was much, much better than Conan's, which is floating around on the Internet if you're torrent-savvy. There is a breakdown of Kimmel, Fallon and Craig Ferguson at TV Guide, and it seems like Ferguson is the heavy favorite, based on the early viewer polls.

- Because Adam has been focused on poop talk lately, I bring you this story. The most relevant sentence: Willis brought one day of his August 2006 trial to a notorious close when he smeared his own feces on a table and chair and threw some on the floor. Good times, good times.

- And finally, Carolla buddy Larry Miller opened up for his friend Jerry Seinfeld last week in Florida, and his 20-minute set was well-received.

As mentioned earlier, Dana Gould will be tonight's (tomorrow's?) guest on the podcast, so until then...

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WOOOOOO!!! Twinkie hole, baby!

How does DAG sound making love?
"Don't, you, look at me, I will, bust, your, behind... zzzzzz...."

Tonight's guest is... David. Alan. Grier! Adam's main man! And they're on firm, warm ground to start, talking about baby poo. David says he's uncomfortable cleaning his daughter's vagine (not named Estradial) of poop, and Adam agrees, since they've been worshiping that part of the anatomy for too many years. It's just weird and uncomfortable for them, like sex in the back of a Volkswagon.

This switches to a chat about DAG's childhood years, which Adam has never gotten into that much. DAG never realized that his father was miserable, but he realizes it now as he reviews pictures.

Weaze gets on the mic to stall for time while Adam goes to look for some pictures of his own mother, and although he tells him this, there are about 10 seconds of dead air... And Lynette (Adam's wife) gets on the mic! Her voice actually sounds much more normal than on The Adam Carolla Show and The Adam Carolla Project. She says Adam's dad had a huge afro in the pictures, and then Adam's agent, James "Babydoll" Dixon gets in the room, but doesn't get on the mic. Adam and DAG then talk about the picture for a bit, and as Adam would say to Dr. Drew all the time, it's great radio to be talking about a picture.

When Adam's parents got divorced, they didn't bother to make it official because there was nothing to split up. Adam's dad got into his 1963 Volkswagen bug, and went to crash at his ex-wife's house that they still lived in. DAG's dad... moved from Detroit to San Francisco, and wrote Black Rage, a national bestseller??? Holy hell! DAG said his dad would be on The Merv Griffin Show and banging chicks in orgies. Good lord...

DAG said his dad wore a dashiki around, and because he could rap about politics and The Man, he would get laid constantly. Adam imagines that about 98 percent of the guys in that era talked like that because it was the only way to get laid. DAG tried to join the Black Panthers when he was younger, but they told him to come back when he was a bit older. DAG's dad lives outside of San Diego now, and while they're OK, David says he grew up scared to death, in an intimidating way, of his father. Charles Dutton, the actor, spent time in the joint for manslaughter, and DAG said he was afraid of DAG's dad when they met.

So, DAG e-mailed Drew to get on Loveline at one point, after Adam had left, and tried three times to no avail. Drew said the program director wouldn't allow Davey G. on anymore, and DAG was a little prickly because Drew sort of strung him along about it instead of just telling him. Now, whenever he talks to Drew, DAG needles him about the whole incident. Adam calls BS and says that DAG is acting like a chick. DAG says okay, he'll make up with Dr. Drew.

DAG and Adam then talk about Dancing With the Stars; Adam was voted off last year, and DAG is a competitor this season. He said what constantly held him back was not talking, but trying to explain to Julianne Hough what a whirling dervish is. DAG is dancing with Kym Johnson (left) this season. Adam says that he had to explain to Hough he would only be practicing two to four hours a week because he wasn't trying to fuck her like her past partners. To close up the show, DAG says he doesn't mind practicing so much because it keeps him out of the house with the poopy vagina, bringing the show full circle.

Other topics for discussion - How DAG got started doing comedy, Adam's own crappy roots, how Drew loves ass humor, the a-hole math behind Adam being Adam, how the Kimmel guys screwed over DAG at a playoff Lakers game, and Dancing With The Stars. Tomorrow's guest is Dana Gould, and I do imagine that Huell Howser might be stopping by as well...

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Monday, March 2, 2009

The Internet is Changing the Game for Celebrities

Podcasting? That's so 2005, you might say. With online video, social networking and microblogging remaining social media's most-talked-about technologies, it's easy to forget about podcasting.

Sure, the overoptimistic projections about podcasting's future haven't panned out. But that doesn't mean that podcasting can't be a powerful tool in the arsenal of entertainers and media personalities who increasingly have the ability to make it on their own.

Proof of that comes in the form of American entertainer Adam Carolla, who launched his own podcast on February 24 after CBS radio cancelled his show. Thanks to his contract, Carolla is reportedly unable to go back on radio through the end of the year and CBS is paying him quite well until then.

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That's important to me!

Larry Miller is tonight's guest, not to be confused with Mr. Belding.
One is happily married, while the other is still trying to bag coeds.

Adam starts by revealing that last week's downloads combined for 1.6 million downloads. Yay!

He then moves on to talk to tonight's guest, Larry Miller. He is not this guy, thankfully, who just died. He is this guy. You can purchase his book for $0.01 (plus shipping) on Larry is a pretty polarizing figure among Carolla fans, but really, he has at least one great routine - the five stages of drinking. Somewhere, Bald Bryan just instinctively reached for a button to press, and finding none, a small, single tear rolled down his cheek.

Adam and Larry talk mostly about their similar backgrounds, and the coddling of kids, to start the podcast. They both talk at length about Pop Warner football and Little League, which evokes George Carlin's famous routine in my mind.

About 25 minutes in, it sounds like Larry punches the mic, but he doesn't get admonished for it. He does it again a bit later.

... To be honest, I was kind of going in and out with this podcast, and it's definitely the weakest effort so far. It's not so much a discussion of funny, more of a meeting of the minds between two men who grew up in a certain era. If Adam is a philosopher-warrior, and the funny aspects arise from his combative, warrior-like nature, then this podcast is definitely heavy on the philosophy with Larry Miller. Topics discussed include the difference in societal values from the 1970s and now, how awesome car air conditioning is, and how grateful Adam is for all of his minions following him over to this podcasting thing.

Other guests this week - Dana Gould and Norm MacDonald, along with Leo on Wednesday. Woohoo!

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Sunday, March 1, 2009

More carefully crafted Carolla-esque cruft!

Minka says, "Adam is number one."

Combing the web for more Carolla-related news, until the podcast drops (hopefully) late tonight...

- According to himself, Leo Laporte will be a guest on the podcast this Wednesday with Adam. Leo is a technology guru, so it should be pretty interesting to hear him with Adam, who is always interested to hear about how gadgets work. Also, Leo is originally from Providence, R.I., according to Wiki. Woohoo! Go Rhody!

- Remember how upset Adam got about the octo-mom? Well don't worry! She has a $1 million dollar offer to do a porno from Vivid. Oh wait, it gets better, as their plan for the shoot would have her in eight scenes with eight different men. All class, all class. The only thing worse than a poor mom having eight kids is that poor mom suddenly getting a million bucks because she became a porn star. Good times! There is also info in that story about Kim Kardashian's fat ass not being photographed, literally, if you're into that.

- The bad news: Alcohol consumption can lead to an increased risk of cancer. Good news: Only for women! Woohoo, drink up Ace Man! That means more booze for you. The study was done by Oxford, which is kind of a well-known place over in England. A little better than junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior college.

- There is a quick blurb shout-out for Carolla at, of all places, here.

- Showing that no celebrity is too small or too far away from the A-List, Celebrity Baby Blog has an entry on... Teresa Strasser. They do include a few things I never knew, such as that she was considered for a spot on The View, and the real name of Batman, who is an accountant for IBM. I guess that's public knowledge now. Teresa blogged about The View opening here, saying that the producers also wanted someone likely to get preggerz. Like, seriously? Really?

- And finally, in news that will make Adam contemplate suicide, Medea Goes to Jail edged out Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience at the box office this weekend. Medea earned $16.5 million, while Jonas took home $12.7 million. Total gross of The Hammer - $443,591.

Anywho. A new podcast should be coming out sometime in the next 24 hours, if the Sunday to Thursday production schedule is still intact. Expect to see a post sometime soon after that. Lates!

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Adam Carolla’s Podcast: 1M Downloads… Radio, XM Officially Dead?

Last week, Adam Carolla transitioned from national radio talk show host. His contract with CBS prevents him from returning to radio (supposedly through 2009) - and in exchange, he is paid handsomely in the meantime. So Adam Carolla decided started a podcast - launching it last week. It had over 1,000,000 downloads… a staggering number.

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