Monday, March 9, 2009

Ambien and the wanking response

Greg - comedian or balding meth addict?

Tonight's guest is Greg Fitzsimmons, a frequent contributor to Best Week Ever on VH1 and the host of a show on Stern's satellite station. Adam contrasts Greg's behavior with that of Charlie Murphy. Greg will put out, because he knows Adam and he's friends with Adam. Meanwhile, Charlie Murphy will NEVER dance for Adam, because he doesn't watch any of Adam's shows and doesn't know anybody who does. On the podcasts, Greg and Adam have noticed that some people will open up, because they think they're just BS'ing with friends as opposed to on a program that people will care about what they say.

And jeebus, I was joking about Greg with the photo cutline above, but he's poppin' some various pills like candy! He sounded like David Alan Grier calling out for his black children. Greg said he started drinking at 12 and really got into it heavily until 25. He stopped drinking at that point, but he was shaking and having problems focusing then, so he was prescribed anti-anxiety medicine and Adderrall.

Adam has tried Ambien before, but he compares the experience to a snow globe. He'll go on eating binges and not have any memory of it afterward, a la Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Greg says that sometimes, he'll take an Ambien and that settle in and find something on Skinemax to watch. Then his wife will come into bed a few hours later, with him fast asleep, his pants around his ankles and tissues in his hand. Adam compares his masturbating to a serial killer, in that he has to consciously mellow out, otherwise he'll lose control and go on a spree.

Other topics: Societal standards, Donnie / The Weaz jacking off and not clearing the browser window for Adam to find, why Adam watches TMZ and unruly staffers.

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Sunday, March 8, 2009

Hot mics, hot mics!

Leo Laporte looks a bit like a gay Italian mobster.

The show starts with Ace and tonight's guest, Leo Laporte, discussing podcast numbers. Then Donnie (The Weaz) gets on the mic to ask Leo some questions. Leo agrees with Donnie's wife that he looks like "a young, attractive Ron Jeremy", which is like saying that someone's shit doesn't smell too bad. (My favorite Ron Jeremy movie name - 13 Cum-Hungry Cocksuckers 7. If you're counting at home, that's 91 cum hungry cocksuckers!) Adam says that Donnie is more of a Peter North. (Best Peter North film title - 2's Cumpany 3's An Orgy.)

Adam asks how you can make money on podcasting, and Leo points out that the podcast allows for 1) no program director interference 2) no advertising interference and 3) a target audience for interested advertisers. Leo says the key is an "engaged" audience, to use an advertising buzzword. These podcasts are really into the content involved. Leo says he tries for a seemless transition from content to advertising, a la Paul Harvey. Adam wants to know why skywriting isn't a big deal; I'll take this opportunity to note that the beaches I used to work at in Rhode Island still have it.

Adam and Leo discuss plugging material on talk shows. Adam says there isn't much of a boost from plugging it on The Tonight Show with Leno, but whenever he popped on the Bill Simmons podcast, he saw a jump in sales of The Hammer. (p.s. Now available at Amazon!)

[Left] Uh oh, some nickels just dropped! Here comes Dr. Drew!

Leo asks Adam whether there is any bad blood between him and Dr. Drew. Adam explains that toward the end, Westwood Two (Adam's name for it) offered Drew three times as much money as Adam, even though Adam did the majority of the talking. Adam asked Drew to hold out for more money for Adam, and Drew signed the contract anyway. Drew then took more speaking engagements and days off, and Adam would get a substitute doctor, but if Adam tried to take a day off, they'd run a Best Of.

The tipping point was when Linkin Park came in and asked Adam to donate $4,000 for Katrina relief; he did so. The next night, two Loveline fans donated $15,000 each to Katrina to sit in with Adam and Drew. Adam finally told Drew he better pony up, and kept bugging him about it, and he never did. One of the guys was a Harvard professor who named an asteroid after them, and he and Adam put Drew on the spot, and he still refused to donate any money. Drew said he wasn't sure where the money was going, implying that Adam and the Harvard dude were rubes for even donating. That was the last straw that pissed off Adam, and he left, and the show's ratings have sucked since then.

Postscript: The second guy came in the next week, and Drew said the same god damn thing! Holy hell!

About 38 minutes in, the interview with Leo really starts to have some audio issues, which is unfortunate. Adam and Leo wrap-up by talking about the new interactivity the web and podcasting and message boards provide.

Adam says that Ben Stein was supposed to come in, but he had to cancel. So instead, he's going to answer some questions from the message board and the web site! Woohoo!

Q1: How did Adam get involved in amateur boxing? Adam says he played football a ton in his youth (damn, he was good), and he wanted to keep up with something physical and what not. He thought it was odd that in California, every strip mall in the valley had a place to learn kickboxing, but no boxing gyms. He had to drive downtown to the Hope Street Gym to learn the sweet science. It cost $9 a day. He fought one Golden Gloves fight, and got his ass kicked.

Q2: What does Adam think of motorcycles? Adam thinks that motorcycle guys have become assholes, and ironically, it's because they've shifted away from the coke-addled Hell's Angels types. Now, it's all lawyers and doctors trying to act tough. Adam is pissed that more tickets aren't written for motorcycles that have no baffles in them to deaden the noise.

Q3: How did Adam gain his psychological understanding? Loveline, his grandmom (a sex therapist), his dad (therapist)? Adam says he's mostly picked it up from just conversing with people. This entire planet is filled with human beings, yet Adam says most people spend more time trying to figure out how to speak with their dogs. He has always been interested in figuring out how to get people to do one thing or another.

Other topics: The lack of quality in podcasting and TV, the double standard of fuck, the negative cycle of fast food and TV news and Adam's past. Tomorrow's guest - Jamie Kennedy!

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