Saturday, February 28, 2009

More linkety links

The lovely Meghan Daum, Carolla's #1 media fan.

Some more news from around the Internet, bizarre and not...

- Meghan Daum, a frequent Carolla supporter and Los Angeles Times columnist, writes an ode to KLSX in her Saturday column. Daum was the host of an interview appearance in L.A. with Carolla at one point, and had generally written plenty of positive pieces about his show. In this article, she says all of the shows had some redeeming qualities, but heaps the most positive praise on Carolla. If you want to give her a shout-out, her e-mail is here. On the Times letters page, Susan Harris of Glendale and Allen Katz of Fountain Valley are both upset that KLSX has flipped formats.

- Deadspin is speculating that Bill Simmons might get some shit from Disney and ESPN for, well, saying shit so many times the other night. They also say they might not be so keen on greenlighting Harvey Milk High School; I guess it won't be a Miramax or Pixar production. Oddly, no complaints about the Real Sex segment. I think everyone is in agreement about that.

- Speaking of a Bill Simmons comment, about how it's hard to visit strip clubs because he has a young daughter now... That's not a problem for 36-year-old Steve Russo of Bethlehem Township, Pa. Russo was charged with endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors and other offenses after photos of a 16-year-old cheerleader dancing on a pole and kissing him on the cheek at a party surfaced on Facebook. (Warning: No pictures in that link, you perverts.)

According to police, the party was hosted at Russo's home in early December after a varsity boys basketball game, and alcohol was heavily involved. Russo has a 17-year-old child, but the report does not specify if his child was involved at all. One commenter brings up a good point: How much pole dancing must be going on if you have one installed in your basement? Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

- In other stripper news, 24-year-old stripper Amanda Michelle Dittman was arrested and charged with strong arm robbery and unlawful sexual activity with a minor after shaking down a 16-year-old who she had been having sex with the past week. According to police reports, she patted down the boy to make sure he wasn't wearing a wire, which was surely an ordeal for the boy. Somewhat comically, Dittman's dancing name is Ms. Giglez. I'll give you two guesses as to where this took place, and hint number one is that it's not Germany. Her picture is to the left, and she looks like she has jaundice of the mouth.

- Adam often jokes about "Germany or Florida?", but he might as well change the name to "Florida or Florida?". The state has enough bizarre crime by itself. Some other Florida stories: Three stabbed in fight over beer, Human body is art at nude night in Ybor, a guy Accusing Stephen King (the author) of killing John Lennon, and huge mice infestation in a Florida court that is causing them to fall from the ceiling tiles.

- And finally, Joel McHale will stay on as host of Talk Soup while working on his NBC comedy pilot, Community, according to this post. Woohoo!

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Crazy Carolla crew content!

The scourge of Adam Carolla.

Looking around the web for Carolla-related content and rants...

- Adam should try to avoid Scottsdale, Ari. for the time being. They don't like his kind on their streets. Chicken-S and all that.

- The headline of this story is good enough to link to it: Mayor who killed dogs gets standing ovation. Unfortunately, the story itself is a little less scandalous.

- T.O. Whenham (that can't possibly be his real name, right?) handicaps this season's Dancing with the Stars right here. He puts DAG at +1000, but in his "Live Longshots" category, because he is a classically-trained Broadway performer. Unsurprisingly, the Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson is the favorite, at +150. DAG ranks ninth out of the 11 person field.

- This New York Times article is mostly about Jimmy Fallon taking over Conan's show, but he does give a shout-out to Kimmel in the middle. A fairly good read overall, though.

- And on the lighter side of things, to close up, the headline says it all for this story as well: Man makes chainsaw noise with an air hose and his buttcrack. I figured it was appropriate, given all the ass, carbuncle and hemmeroid talk on the podcast this week.

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The Tom Brady Love Hour

Dear Ace Man, Tom Brady, is the best, quarterback, in the NFL...

If you can't tell from the title of tonight's entry, Bill Simmons of ESPN.com is the podcast guest tonight. They jump right into things by comparing the size of their podcast wangs - Adam has already surpassed one million total downloads, woohoo! He gives a shout-out to all of his loyal minions.

They jump in immediately with talk of YouPorn, and then Ferris Bueller. Bill and Adam rightly bring up that Ferris, the most popular kid in school, wouldn't really hang out with Cameron, the depressed loser. He would be busy banging his hot girlfriend. Then, they pitch the greatest made-up independent movie ever, Harvey Milk Junior High, starring Shia LaBeouf, who pretends to be gay to attend an all-gay school. I would say more, but I don't want to spoil all the surprises.

Adam also says Fast Break is definitely in the Top 10 of Gabe Kaplan movies. The other nine are probably all clip show DVDs of Battle of the Network Stars.

Adam is going to a buffet tomorrow with a card system - If the card is on one side, they keep bringing the beef. Bill says this commonly wrecks Cousin Sal, as he has too much pride to ever turn the card over. Adam says they really need to extend this system to strippers, and re-tells the tale about how David Alan Grier once got a stripper who had been stabbed 18 times by her ex-husband. Bill says when he's done, he normally tries to encircle himself with chairs - a chair armada or offensive line preventing entry to his junk.

Podcast re-enactment: (Bill) I'm surprised they don't show more of the bathroom parts on Survivor. (Adam) I don't watch Survivor. (Bill, surprised) Really? I thought you loved Survivor! (Adam) Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about Lost.

Donnie talks about editing on Big Brother, but because he isn't mic'ed properly, we can't hear it. Adam and Bill laugh uproariously about it ;_; Adam and Bill think some guy will make a million dollars by releasing a tape of all the hot broads on Survivor being all naked.

Other topics for discussion: Bathroom etiquette, ass-talk, the YouPorn sweet spot, the worst bathroom scenes, how to guarantee an Oscar win, Survivor bathroom talk and how satellite radio will be killed by podcasts. Adam says he's still trying to get Norm MacDonald in for a podcast, especially to hear more about Norm's classic story - he had sex with one of his best friend's wife, while his friend was mowing the lawn, and it was anal sex. Holy hell! Bill puts in a request for Jim Norton, and Adam says that Kimmel, Dana Gould and Joel McHale are all on the future guest list.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Holy hell! Ace and Dameshek! (And no Simmons!)

My oh my, look at this handsome devil. Wait - Ladies, don't look too closely. He's taken.

The podcast with Dave Dameshek starts off swimmingly, as he and Adam immediately plunge into his issues with Teresa Strasser. Dave said he's amazed T is pregnant, because he didn't think that could happen after menopause. Dave offers magnanimously to have a "clearing of the air" broadcast someday with T. His magnificent pipes are still in working order, despite a minor cold.

Adam and Dave talk about how they originally ran into problems with Jack Silver about ratings, and the whole history behind his firing. Dave was replaced by Bonaduce, who Adam points out has a "near encyclopedic knowledge of sports." Practically the same guy!

Dave brings up that the station was marketing itself as "the man station" yet had no sports guy. Adam says this reminds him of one of the few poignant things Drew said, namely, about Pam Anderson being a female-female impersonator. He likens that type of woman to the super macho male-male impersonator, such as Bonaduce. Dave mentions that he found certain parts of Eastern Promises very inappropriate because of this.

And holy hell, Tom Cruise came over to Kimmel's for football??? Really? Wow. Of course, Ace says it was at 3:47 in the afternoon, so he's obviously a big fan. Both agree that all of the A-list male celebrities - Cruise, Johnny Depp, George Clooney - are unfortunately beautiful bastards. To make it worse, guys like Depp grow their hair long and smear feces all over their face, and women still want them. Meanwhile, Ace points out that if a woman did that, a man would no longer be interested. Both are utterly revolted by HBO's Real Sex program.

Near the end of the podcast, Dave re-tells one of his great stories - Attending a Lamaze class with his beautiful wife Cindy and finding out his ex-girlfriend was in the very same class. Good times, good times. Ace is pissed that the seemingly simple "colored hat" system of child identification has also S'ed the bed. Dave and Adam set the podcast's early length record with more than 55 minutes of the funny.

Other topics for discussion - how certain things are gay, how some female celebrities are much foxier in person, male body hair, horrible Nicholas Cage movies, female trucker attractiveness > female sex expert, and Adam Carolla's Junk v. HBO's Real Sex. Adam doesn't state who's next on the podcast, but future guests will include Bill Simmons, Larry Miller and Norm MacDonald. So, to close this post, the greatest appearance on a talk show ever-ever was by Norm here, here and here.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Back from a four-day vacation!

Not this Trio.

Listen, I don't know if you guys have heard, but Teresa Strasser is pregnant. As a result, she's down from 15 Klonnies a day to just a few cigarettes. (The preceding sentence is accurate.)

And listen, if you thought Teresa was a peach on The Adam Carolla Show, just realize she brought a friend with her to podcast. Not Bald Bryan, although he was there. T brought her hemorrhoid!

But listen, Adam is a professional, and he rolls with the punches. He used to be a boxer, you see, and he has used this experience to his advantage in the past. Once upon a time, he had a carbuncle on his ass, which his buddy Ray convinced him was a hemorrhoid. He spread so much Preperation H on it, it could have helped Dr. Drew's daughter.

Hey listen, Adam says it best - You can't unscrew your anus and put it on the work bench and hammer the problems out of it. It was a very serious and frank discussion, and it lasted about the first 20 minutes.

Okay, listen. The rest of the podcast is about the past program once known as The Adam Carolla Show, Teresa being able to smoke a few cigs even though she's preggers, the staff party taking place at Adam's house, how horrible Jack Silver's "best of" reel was, and the freedom that podcasting provides.

LISTEN! Tomorrow's guests - Dave Dameshek and Bill Simmons. AHHH DIAMOND EARRINGS!!!

p.s. Go Sox!

p.p.s. Go Pats! Boston School of Medicine, best school of medicine in the country!

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

It's Dr. Drew - Get your bitch spunk drunk!

You like him, you really like him!
Given Adam's horrible childhood, it's still hard for him to believe.


With Dr. Drew in the hiz-zay, there is vintage Loveline-esque electricity in the air. If this was Made Up Movies, then it would be the part where the two lovers awkwardly banter a bit, before passionately embracing and sexing each other up. Thankfully, the mics weren't hot when the sexing took place.

Within two minutes, Adam and Drew have already touched upon how horrible a liar Danny Bonaduce is, two words for Adam's dad (hint: they're not "tuck fu" but rhyme with them) and how horrible Lynette is at following simple directions. This last topic consumes the first significant segment of the podcast, since, well, there is a lot of ground to cover here, especially as it concerns a precious Adam subject - napping.

Adam's hyper-vigilance consumes another 15 minutes of the podcast, and later talk involves his take on the Mexicans, and the Weaz (Wheeze?) even gets on the blower for a bit. Meanwhile, tomorrow, the gang is back in town, as Teresa and Bald Bryan are scheduled to be on the podcast.

Until then, as the Crank Yankers caller says to Drew, "Stay fresh!"

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Mahalo! Is Adam Crackeola there?


So, you might have heard that the Ace Man's morning show was canceled. Fear not though - he is filling the void (good name for T's V) with his own podcast. And this is the blog that will attempt to archive and summarize that glorious creation. To borrow the words of a great man from Pittsburgh, Pee-A, LET IT BEGIN!

Ironically, there is almost no chance that Adam has read this.

Ace starts out by explaining some of the problems he had with Jack Silver. Apparently, Jack never really listened to Loveline, in which he might have noticed that Adam constantly made fun of stupid "lightning round" jocks that gave the weather, news and traffic constantly. Jack also hated Dana Gould, and Dameshek's "Mr. Sheldrake" voice, and basically anything else you might have enjoyed that Adam ever did. Oh, but he loved Danny Bonaduce and his knack for embellishing. And Jack Silver never gave a shit about anything but performance in L.A. Outside of that though, he and Adam never had problems with one another.

What CAN Adam complain about? All the photographers from TMZ at the airport. How the hell do they get clearance to be there? If you have to take off your shoes to get on the friggin' plane, then why are all these A-holes allowed to stand in the airport when they have no legitimate reason for being there?

Other topics touched on this podcast - the latest potential Eddie Murphy project, why The Adam Carolla Show failed, more on Jack Silver and Loveline executvies, and much much more fun! Tomorrow, Dr. Drew in the hiz-zay!

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